I think I am still at the stage of drink and be merry, rather than shopping for, say, a posh-looking baby jogger mini stroller.

I am the biggest self proclaimed non fan of babies or kids – trust me, you don’t want to see how much I do not prefer to see the paediatric group of patients. I really rather be seeing old women..

Ugh.

It is just like me saying I like dogs but actually I only love my two wonderful Shoo and Hei at home. Alright, I am kind to their friends too.. but really, I prefer dogs to kids for the moment. At least you can hug a dog and not get screaming off them.

But, wait.. what is my point, really?

(me just the spinster here)

As much as I profess my love towards sleep, I earnestly would not rather to sleep. The spring time, I hope.. will give me the much-needed energy boost. The weather has been kinder lately.. it is just a bit chilly in the morning but otherwise, you could even think of setting up wood gazebos in your garden for some good outdoor hanging out. Of course, we should not forget about the April showers..

No, not looking forward to that. I need more sun!

I am currently in the uni library typing away (doing some ABG sample questions, mind you!) and quite impressed that suddenly I find access to my ever so random and almost abandoned blog.

I really wonder why and how..

Anyway, been quite into music lately. I guess the more stressed out I am, the more I listen to songs – even spent the whole of last night listening to the most random songs – even those from 20 years ago!

And now that I am in the library, I am quite intrigued to envision myself with a pair of good quality headphones, perhaps something like a paif or KRK studio headphones. Cut out all the background noise and just have some good quality music streaming into my ears instead.

Maybe I could have worked better that way!

‘Til then – off for some X-ray meeting!

I promise – I haven’t succumbed into the temptation of getting coffee from the Starbucks booth on Platform 8 of Wimbledon station.

Double yay!

I genuinely quite enjoy General Practice because of the impact and differences I feel that one can make towards the community. I can tell you more another day about the non-existent of this sytem back home yada-yada-yada.. but let’s talk only after I pass my exams, alright..

Yesterday, I stood on the weighing scale (the most accurate one, mind you!) and my eyes nearly popped out of the sockets looking at the figure. No wonder you don’t see my recent photos around. Hah hah haha… anyway – just when I am about to declare a starvation period, someone reminded me that exams are more important – so I have decided. Better be fat but pass exams. After all, I am a weight-gaining machine.. I never could lose naturally. Only gain unintentionally. Hiak hiak hiak.

That everyday 3-mile walk accounts to nothing.. and it isn’t as if I binged eat. HORMONESSSSSSSSSSS

So, I started reading this..

The first chapter was a dread because it was depicting that epic 2008 Wimbledon finals.

I don’t know if I could continue because it was quite painful for me.

But I must say – this style of writing is not as interesting as Agassi’s autobiography which drew me in right away. Perhaps I just could not quite imagine Nadal telling the story. LOL!

That is why sometimes I rather shut up. Even a funeral planning guide may piss me off. In a way.

Oh well.

I finished this book which is a fiction/fantasy but with descriptive illustrations which parallel what I believe to be the Kingdom of God. It is called The Road Trip: Sidecar Adventures with God.

Was never that keen to read something that ‘fictional’ but it turned out to be quite good. Really made me think. There are some times I get really irritated.. asking myself why do I bother to share when others are so selfish? Why am I the only one who throws the rubbish all the time? Why am I the only one who cleans the microwave oven only? Why!?

But then I realised – goodness me! I’m the one who is not showing Love when I have these thoughts. Showing Love means doing something without expecting anything in return. I am the selfish one here. Selfish and controlling.

Plain hormonal, I tell you. Just so irritated easily without substance. Plenty of forgiveness to ask for. Stupid devils whispering in my ears and messing up with my mind. MUST GET THE THOUGHTS OUT OF MY MIND!

Few more days. Few.

I am just going crazy. Think of this as, perhaps, fictional.

Tsk.

Example of myself going crazy: I bought SIX packs of seedless white grapes from Sainsbury.

Man.. yes, I am certainly going nuts.

But really.

I think there are some things in life worth taking the risk. I took my risk. I failed, and I knew the answers. It may not be the ideal things I wanted in life – not those that I thought at age 23, whoah, I have never felt this way about the guy since YC in sec school – but the whoa I have never felt the same way issue has since dissolved because I know now that

1. Some people just don’t appreciate great treasures ie. me (teeehee)
2. Chemistry or what-not, you cannot force them. No means no.
3. Lying is the worst thing ever to break all trust
4. It is his loss, not mine

Haiyah. What made me start talking about these useless stuff again!?

BOO!!

Stupiak. I think perhaps I’ve been reading too much about relationship-related novels. Sweet Baklava.

So, having almost confirmed attending two weddings this year, I must say to all couples – time to buy gold at Golden Eagle. Ah. Kidding!

Even my mum thinks I should start looking for a companion. After all these exams fuss, of course. I agree with her. She has implied that I am fussy. Hah hah hah. I told her I know who I want and no one can change my mind (or heart).

Anyway – dating is the last thing on my mind now. I feel disgusted (don’t ask me why) at the idea of having a relationship. EWE. I cannot imagine spending time talking to one man all the time. Posting photos of you and your boyfriend on Facebook. Yucks.

Having said that – I still know who I want.

If he isn’t the one, then there probably isn’t anyone after all. I have no one to blame if I were still single at 38 with no one after. Simply because I waited for just that one. I know – nothing is fairytale in this world.. but but..

Anyway – I was feeling much better today but on my way back on the train, I started to feel nauseous. I could nearly felt myself vomiting but I didn’t. Feeling sick is the last thing you want to feel. So, I cut my journey short and took the bus back (instead of travelling to another station and walking 0.6 miles home). I came back feeling still quite unwell until I had my V day dinner.

Don’t ask me what I had. I was feeling quite pathetic the other day in Sainsbury seeing all those V Day special meals or what-not. I felt sick (not literally then). To think that the last (and actually, first) time I got something for V Day was 8 years ago. The thought made me laugh.. not that it was a real Valentine. It is hilarious now to think back retrospectively.

EIGHT YEARS. Gosh. That must have been ages ago!

I just finished reading this

Quite a short but interesting piece of writing.

Happy belated V Day. I wished I had a better day (than feeling sick, that is) today but at least I have a tiny progress of my audit.

Gute Nacht.